Left Shark: The Untold Story

 
 

left-shark

“Left Shark wasn’t the issue, the rest of us were.” -Left Palm Tree

 

In the words of Left Palm Tree, “Left Shark wasn’t the issue, the rest of us were.” After an exhausting several days of rehearsal, there was only one felt-bag that got it right: Left Shark. In preparation for the most-watched, at-home, face-stuffing, can’t-get-off-the-couch-someone-beer-me concert, Katy Perry gathered the best and brightest balls from around the nation to sway and jiggle (let’s face it, how else will we be distracted from her obvious lack of coordination??).

 

After gathering the balls she moved on to scouring for the best palm trees, surf boards and sharks; exhaustively asking them “Do you even beach, bruh?” From there they were launched into grueling rehearsals for minutes on end. They were charged with the task of entertaining a whopping 114.4 million viewers so they obviously worked tirelessly on this routine. Let’s face it, it would be insanely irresponsible if they did not.

 

When it came to show time, the well-worked and well-paid staff made their way to the stage with the delight and energy of…well…a teenage dream?! The music was pumping, the crowd was cheering, and Ms. Perry was stuffing herself into yet another god-awful outfit as these characters (that would double as delightful sleeping bags) took the stage. But after one, two, three, missteps, Left Shark started to notice something was terribly awry. “These things on stage were moving like nothing I’d ever seen before,” claimed Left Shark. I guess you don’t “got it on lock”, Ms. Perry.

 

 

What we have here is a classic case of viral derivation. While everyone is making Left Shark out to be an emotionless, half-asleep, blue sack of weirdness, no one is even considering the fact that maybe…just maybe…he was the only one that got it right. Left Palm Tree confirmed our suspicions that the choreography was off for 99.9% of this ridiculous travesty and Left Shark was on point like a classically trained ballet dancer.

 

We at Shame The Famous applaud Left Palm Tree’s courage in speaking out. Several interviews were conducted and not even Ms. Perry herself had anything to say about it. To her we say, SHAME on you! Get back on your flying “The More You Know” star and fly your apology over to Left Shark.

 
 
Katy Perry